by Paul Monette
First published 2004
Paul grows up in a small New England town during the 1950s, earning perfect grades and succeeding in every social and academic pursuit. Yet he carries a secret he cannot even admit to himself. He works desperately to appear straight, to become the man everyone expects him to be. This performance continues through his years at an Ivy League college and during his bohemian adventures in Europe. He engages in relationships with women that leave him empty, while nursing hopeless attractions he cannot name. Throughout these years, Paul remains tormented by something he has never witnessed but dreams about constantly: two men together, in love and joyful. His journey toward accepting his true self unfolds through years of self-deception and painful attempts to fit a mold that was never meant for him.
Genres: american-fiction, 20th-century, coming-of-age, biography-memoir, gay-fiction, academic
Vibes: emotional, intimate, thought-provoking
Tropes: coming-of-age, self-acceptance
Setting: New England
Period: 1950s
304 pages · Paperback · Perennial
Content warnings: homophobia