God, If You're Not Up There, I'm F*cked

by Darrell Hammond

First published 2011

Darrell Hammond opens his story in the darkest places of his mind, where childhood beatings and emotional torment from his parents planted seeds that would grow into decades of self-destruction. As he climbed to become Saturday Night Live's most enduring performer, perfecting spot-on impressions of Bill Clinton, Dick Cheney, and Chris Matthews, Hammond battled undiagnosed mental illness that triggered terrifying flashbacks and sent him spiraling into alcoholism and self-harm. His celebrity opened doors to presidents and political powerbrokers, but behind the scenes he endured psychiatric hospitals, misdiagnoses, and a descent that led him to a Bahamian jail cell and eventually a Harlem crack house. Hammond chronicles his repeated attempts at sobriety, driven by love for his young daughter and a determination to understand how he could achieve such professional heights while falling so far personally. He exposes the real mechanics of America's most famous sketch comedy show while confronting the brutal truth about his mental health struggles.

Genres: biography, addiction, autobiography, mental-illness

Vibes: dark, emotional, intimate, thought-provoking

Tropes: mental-illness, redemption, self-discovery

Setting: Bahamas, Harlem

Period: 20th-century, 21st-century

202 pages · ebook · HarperCollins Publishers

Content warnings: addiction, alcohol-abuse, depression, mental-illness, self-harm

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