by Lucy Sante
First published 2025
Lucy Sante spent decades building a respected writing career in New York City, but something fundamental felt wrong. Born in Belgium to conservative Catholic parents who moved the family to America, she found her tribe among the bohemians of 1970s Manhattan. Some of her friends died young from drugs and AIDS. Others became famous. Sante carved out her own path as a writer, yet life still felt like an elaborate performance. She was hiding from a truth she could barely acknowledge, even to herself. After six decades presenting as a man, Sante finally begins her transition. She discovers that becoming a woman involves more learning than she expected. The memoir weaves together her life story with the careful steps of her gender transition, examining how she moved from performance to authenticity. Sante writes with gentle humor about her mistakes and revelations, exploring what it means to align inner identity with outer reality after so many years of concealment.
Genres: autobiography, memoir, biography-memoir, 21st-century, lgbt, gender-identity, transgender
Vibes: emotional, intimate, thought-provoking
Tropes: authenticity, found-family, self-discovery
Setting: Belgium, Manhattan, New York City
Period: 1970s
240 pages · Paperback · Penguin Books
Content warnings: mental-illness