by Helen Ellis
First published 2019
Helen Ellis opens her world of refined passive aggression and monogrammed politeness. The Alabama native now lives in New York, married to a Yankee, but she grips her Southern accent and social codes with fierce determination. Ellis transforms into a dominatrix version of Donna Reed to rescue her marriage. She accidentally walks off with a $795 Burberry coat. At parties, she watches men stage their own deaths. She hunts for the perfect black tie dress and dodges neck surgery consultations. Through twenty-three essays, Ellis reveals how Southern ladies weaponize niceness. She teaches readers to say "weathered" instead of commenting that someone looks like rain-soaked cake, and "early-developed" rather than "brace face and B cups." Ellis may have abandoned her puffy headbands and forgotten how to drive, but she clings to the art of saying cutting things sweetly. Her mantra guides every interaction: if you cannot speak nicely, wrap your barbs in velvet. The result captures one woman's hilarious struggle between her roots and her adopted home.
240 pages · Library Binding · Thorndike Press