First published 2010
Portia de Rossi opens her memoir at her breaking point: weighing 82 pounds when she collapses on a movie set during her first leading role. What began as professional discipline had become a deadly obsession. She restricts her daily intake to under 300 calories, measures food portions with scientific precision, and uses only specific bowls and utensils for eating. The rituals consume hours each day. Even as she gains fame on Ally McBeal and Arrested Development, she alternates between starvation and binging, driven by perfectionism and fear. Living closeted adds another layer of isolation and anxiety about tabloid exposure. De Rossi details the elaborate behaviors that accompany eating disorders with clinical precision, showing how the pursuit of thinness became her primary focus. Her recovery begins slowly, leading to her relationship with Ellen DeGeneres and her emergence as an advocate for gay rights and women's health. The book traces her journey from near death to authentic living, offering insight into the psychology of eating disorders and the courage required to choose health over control.
Genres: autobiography, mental-illness, non-fiction, biography-memoir, lgbt
Vibes: emotional, intimate, thought-provoking
Tropes: found-family, overcoming-adversity, personal-growth
305 pages · Hardcover · Atria Books
Content warnings: eating-disorder, mental-illness