First published 2012
Deborah Feldman chronicles her journey from childhood within the insular Satmar Hasidic sect to her eventual departure from the community. She details how the group's rigid customs controlled every aspect of her existence, from clothing choices to reading materials to social interactions. Feldman describes finding solace in forbidden books by authors like Jane Austen and Louisa May Alcott, whose characters showed her different possibilities for women's lives. The memoir traces her path through an arranged marriage at a young age to a virtual stranger, the challenges of her sexually and emotionally troubled relationship, and the birth of her son at nineteen. Feldman explains how motherhood crystallized her determination to leave the only world she had known. The book examines the psychological cost of living within such restrictive boundaries and the courage required to abandon family, community, and religious identity. Feldman offers readers an intimate look at the internal conflict between duty to tradition and personal freedom, showing how literature became her pathway to imagining and ultimately creating a different life.
Genres: autobiography, memoir, non-fiction, biography-memoir, jewish
Vibes: emotional, intimate, thought-provoking
Tropes: fish-out-of-water, found-family
Setting: Satmar Hasidic Community
Period: 21st Century
272 pages · Hardcover · Simon & Schuster
Content warnings: abuse, emotional-abuse, sexism